A Guide to Conquering Daily Challenges
Chapter 1: The Basics
Step 1: Getting Up
Step 1: Getting Up
If you’re like millions of other people aged five to sixty-five worldwide, chances are you’ve got a tight schedule of things to do and places to go. Therefore, this is perhaps the most important step covered in this guide. Overlooking this step can completely ruin any chance at having a successful day.
After your alarm goes off, give yourself ample time to get your blood flowing by rolling around in bed. Once you have determined that you are able to stand and/or walk, find the nearest mirror and tell yourself “Yes, I can!” It is important to begin digesting something during this step (the significance of which will be explained in a later step). Consider a scone or a bowl of your favorite pirate-themed marshmallow cereal.
Congratulations, you’ve completed step one!
After your alarm goes off, give yourself ample time to get your blood flowing by rolling around in bed. Once you have determined that you are able to stand and/or walk, find the nearest mirror and tell yourself “Yes, I can!” It is important to begin digesting something during this step (the significance of which will be explained in a later step). Consider a scone or a bowl of your favorite pirate-themed marshmallow cereal.
Congratulations, you’ve completed step one!
Step 2: Tools of the Trade
Today will throw a number of challenges at you, so you’ll want to be prepared for anything. Things you may need to conquer these challenges include, but are not limited to:
Photographic identification. Thirty-seven dollars and sixty-four cents. Pocket notebook. AA batteries. Harmonica. Gold gel pen. Chocolate milk. Umbrella. Needle and thread. Scotch tape. A guide to conquering daily challenges. Tide To-Go Stick. Fish shaped crackers. Chamomile lotion. Light-up shoes. Extra socks. Emergency candy bar. Nail polish. Bacon-scented air freshener. BIC lighter. Sunglasses. Can opener. Binoculars. Glow stick.
Photographic identification. Thirty-seven dollars and sixty-four cents. Pocket notebook. AA batteries. Harmonica. Gold gel pen. Chocolate milk. Umbrella. Needle and thread. Scotch tape. A guide to conquering daily challenges. Tide To-Go Stick. Fish shaped crackers. Chamomile lotion. Light-up shoes. Extra socks. Emergency candy bar. Nail polish. Bacon-scented air freshener. BIC lighter. Sunglasses. Can opener. Binoculars. Glow stick.
Step 3: Going Places
Everyone and their dog has places to go. How you choose to get there is entirely up to you. There are a number of options available to you depending on your location of residence and amount of money allocated to transportation. If you’re like 99.9% of people worldwide, you don’t have access to personal chauffeurs, private jets, or dragons, so you’ll have to narrow down your options from a list of more conventional methods.
Personal vehicles, such as cars, minivans, and tractors, are very popular for those who are able to obtain driver’s licenses. They offer you the freedom to go wherever you want, whenever you want, as long as you have gas in your tank and your parents’ permission. Public transportation is a great choice if you live in a city that offers it, but always proceed with caution, for you will not be able to get off until the regularly scheduled stops. This can cause problems if you become trapped on the bus with your ex-wife, a mime, or the FBI agent that is after you.
Eco-friendly options include walking, biking, skating, gliding, and sailing. As long as you’re not a lazy bum, these methods will get you where you need to be while simultaneously giving Mother Nature a big hug. Always remember that transportation, or a lack thereof, is never an excuse to miss work or any other obligations you may have. Feet were invented for that very reason, so if you choose not to use them, consider donating them to someone who will.
Personal vehicles, such as cars, minivans, and tractors, are very popular for those who are able to obtain driver’s licenses. They offer you the freedom to go wherever you want, whenever you want, as long as you have gas in your tank and your parents’ permission. Public transportation is a great choice if you live in a city that offers it, but always proceed with caution, for you will not be able to get off until the regularly scheduled stops. This can cause problems if you become trapped on the bus with your ex-wife, a mime, or the FBI agent that is after you.
Eco-friendly options include walking, biking, skating, gliding, and sailing. As long as you’re not a lazy bum, these methods will get you where you need to be while simultaneously giving Mother Nature a big hug. Always remember that transportation, or a lack thereof, is never an excuse to miss work or any other obligations you may have. Feet were invented for that very reason, so if you choose not to use them, consider donating them to someone who will.
Step 4: Maintenance
(Alternatively: 'How to Not Get Dead')
(Alternatively: 'How to Not Get Dead')
There are a few essential things your delicate human meat will need to continue conquering life’s everyday challenges. The most important is nutrient consumption. When your engines are running low, they will alert you with rumbly, grumbly sounds. That is your signal to begin consuming fuel. Although just about anything edible will do, for best results, select a healthy balance of foodstuffs from different sections of the food pyramid. A forewarning about the aforementioned food pyramid: although candy is located at the top, this does not mean it should be utilized most often. Beware.
If you forget this step, your body will begin to act up in all kinds of unpleasant ways. Although the human body can survive days or even weeks without consuming food, it is recommended that you eat several times throughout the day. The by-products of eating are unpleasant, but this is a minor price to pay for the cost of remaining alive.
Along with the proper nutrients, you must also regularly absorb water and other fluids. Imagine that you have a beautiful flower living inside of you that you must water regularly, but not too much, to keep it blooming happily. This will help you to retain the ideal volume of water within your human vehicle.
If you forget this step, your body will begin to act up in all kinds of unpleasant ways. Although the human body can survive days or even weeks without consuming food, it is recommended that you eat several times throughout the day. The by-products of eating are unpleasant, but this is a minor price to pay for the cost of remaining alive.
Along with the proper nutrients, you must also regularly absorb water and other fluids. Imagine that you have a beautiful flower living inside of you that you must water regularly, but not too much, to keep it blooming happily. This will help you to retain the ideal volume of water within your human vehicle.
Chapter 1 Summary
It’s not easy being a functioning member of society, but these fundamental steps will help you face life’s challenges with confidence and ease. Getting up each day is a cinch if you know how to do it right. Being prepared with the right tools can save your bacon in a tough situation. Going places has never been easier with the wide variety of transportation methods. Maintaining your body is the key to being not dead.
Once you’ve mastered the basics, you’ll be ready to move on to more advanced steps. Next chapter, we’ll go over everything you need to know to succeed in those pesky social situations you keep finding yourself in.
Once you’ve mastered the basics, you’ll be ready to move on to more advanced steps. Next chapter, we’ll go over everything you need to know to succeed in those pesky social situations you keep finding yourself in.